I covet. I am jealous.

I'm posting a lot, I know, and for all those family members that don't give a rat's about my random musings, that only read my blog for updates on the super cute one's in the house, y'all will just have to deal with my self-indulgence. Because personally, this is me self-medicating, keeping all the thoughts in my head from taking control, sorting out all the schtuff, un-winding, yahda...yahda...yahda, whatever you want to call it. This is what I want to write about, whether anyone cares to read it or not, and it's my blog, so I will.

(Please note the playful sarcasm and don't hate me for being "mean and ornery" as people tend to think I am!)

I find that my greatest challenge in life is it that I am never happy with who I am and what I have. How do I make the changes necessary to become that person who is content? I covet. And I am jealous...all the time...of everyone. Leave it to me to find a reason that every single person has something I don't and that I want. But I can never seem to find the good things in my life. My hub is so great at seeing our blessings, he is my checks and balance system. Without him I would probably be heavily medicated, I probably should be anyway.

I will attempt to make a list of many of my jealousies, and look at the flip side as well.

Someone always has more money. But someone always has less.

Someone always has a prettier house. But someone always has no house.

Someone is always skinnier and prettier. I think the flip side is pretty self explanatory, and let's face it, it's my fault I'm not skinny.

Someone always has a more romantic husband. Someone has a husband that doesn't love them at all.

Someone is always a better wife/mother. Someone is a horrible wife and should never be a mother.

Someone has kids that are angels. Someone has kids that murder and do unspeakable things.

Someone can have kids whenever they want. Someone can never have or afford kids.

And I'm sure the list could go on forever, but the most important lesson I am teaching myself...

I am right smack dab in the middle! And that is a great place to be!

I have enough money for what I need, and the money I don't have, is because I was foolish and am now learning how not to be foolish.

My house is beautiful, it's mine, and compared to the national average for it's size, it was flippin' cheap!(Thank you Howard!)

I am a daughter of God! He loves me no matter what size I am. And some days I actually can make myself believe that I am beautiful. Whether I want to admit it or not, I bring stuff to the table, I am not a waste of space, I have talents that benefit others, and I rather enjoy sharing them, it makes me feel good, important, like I am contributing something to the world. ( I don't want a million comments telling me I'm not a waste of space, I just said I wasn't, and I know you all love me, you wouldn't be reading my nonsense if you didn't, ha, gotcha!)

My eternal companion loves me, he would do anything for me.

I support my husband, I love him, and he feels like I am a good wife, so I must be doing something right. My kids still tell me they love me, so again, while not perfect, I must be doing something right.

My kids are great kids. They have a lot of energy and they try my patience a lot, but they also provide many of the happiest moments I experience.

While I have not been blessed with the opportunity to create children...I have been blessed not only once, but twice, with the means to adopt two beautiful boys, who are mine in every essence of the word.

So, to sum things up, I really am grateful, I have a great life, I just need to work on recognizing it more often. (Not to mention the consequences I am facing if I don't learn how to quit this awful covet sinning. Wink, wink!)

Thanks for listening! Random musings done 'til next time.

(Afterthought: I came back this morning with the intention of deleting this post because I thought it came off whiny and way TMI, but I decided it's honest, so what the heck.)