6 years ago
10.09.2009
..What am I doing wrong..
I've been home from my vacation, in which I left Ronnie with some family friends for the week, for only 2 days. They say he was perfectly well behaved, I think she may have even used the word angel once. But he's driving my up the wall! I've come to the conclusion that my problem is one of two scenarios...
1. He is a completely different child when I am gone. In which case, what have I done to make him want to be so "difficult" when I'm around?
OR
2. The problem is simply me. I'm obviously not meeting his needs somehow, he's acting out, and I'm totally clueless as to what I need to do different.
I'm leaning towards the latter. I figure it's time to take responsibility for the situation, after all, am I the mother. So the question remains.
What am I doing wrong?
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6 comments:
Three things I think you should think about...
1. Kids are always better behaved with people other than their parents.
2. Any child will act a little differently after parental separation. Isaac always acts like I abandoned him when I've been gone for only a few hours. So, Ronnie's behavior might be part of that.
3. Mothers/women are ALWAYS so hard on themselves.
You are probably doing a lot better than you think. It can't be easy to deal with it here and now, but remember that you aren't alone in this. I LOVE YOU! Hang in there.
P.S. Prayer helps me when I'm having my "terrible mom" moments. So don't forget to pray :)
My last blog post was actually on the difference between "Annie: my daughter" and "Annie: my Mom's Granddaughter," and how they were TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE! (My daughter being the crazy, higher maintenance one!)
Alyssa already said most of what I would, but a few other things:
1.) Believe it or not, his 'rottenness' has a lot to do about you being an attentive, there for him Mom. Kids will push the limits, 'test' and just be a stinker for their Moms when they know they are secure and safe with you. In a way, he's telling you that he trusts you . . . that no matter how difficult he is, no matter how much he lets go and just gives in to his whiny/bratty/difficult kid side, he KNOWS you will love him NO MATTER WHAT. It really is a trust issue, he TRUSTS YOU to love him, thick and thin.
It's kind of an unfortunate side effect of being a good Mom :-), but if you talk to a lot of Moms, you'll find it's probably a lot more universal than you realize!
2.) Also, the fact he behaves for others shows that you have in fact taught him right from wrong, appropriate behavior, etc, and he knows and has internalized it. You've done a good job. He's a good kid, and others see him as a good kid. He just pushes the limits more at home/with his parents, in a 'safe' environment, and that's healthy!
3.) I knew kids growing up who had their parents snowballed . . . they acted like angels at home, but all the neighbors knew that they were mean and bratty and difficult to deal with. Frankly, I would rather my kids bug me than annoy other people! :-)
Keep up the good work . . . none of us are perfect, but our kids love us just for trying. And NOBODY loves that kid like you do, and he knows that deep down.
I think you are a perfect Mommy. I really do. They are both happy healthy little boys. The only experience I can draw from is my own. My parents left us in the care of Gma and Gpa for a week. After the 3rd day I was a turd. And I KNOW it. I look back now and am embarrassed. But I'll tell you my reasoning. I simply missed my Mom and Dad. Gma/Gpa did things SO differently and I wasn't used to it. I didn't like it. I let them know by being naughty. He simply could've just missed you. Your friend just parents differently and he probably just missed you and the way you do things. He loves you.
A lot of trents family ( especially those who babysit ) will tell me what a great boy he is and how well behaved he is..when we are home his crazy side comes out. I think kids r more comfortable at hone with their own parnts and do things, say things and act in ways they never would in pubic or at someone elses house. Infact when we go to visit ppl Tyler becomes very quiet and reserved. He wispers a lot and does seem to act "like Tyler". Just know we r always harder on ourselfs than we need to be. And kids often act different around different ppl. I think u r a wonderful mother :) love u Morgan
You don't know me, but I am Jesse's sister-in-law, Suzy. Jennifer told me about your blog post and told me I should read it. I hope you don't mind. The comments left by friends were awesome and I just want to say thanks. You have an awesome support system.
Completely normal, and completely exasperating! That's all I have to say!!!!
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