..As Promised..

Goat babies are here. We finally got our girls. Sadie gave us two sweet little does. One that looks like daddy and one that looks like mommy. Pepper gave us two bucklings, twins! They're all adorable and we love having the little balls of energy around to watch.

Sadie and the girls.

Zoe - 2 days old

Ziggie - 2 days old

Ryland with Zoe

Ryland with Ziggie

Ronnie with Zoe

Ronnie with Ziggie

See how tiny they are!

Pepper and her boys - 2 weeks old

The boys - 1 week old

Checking out the new girl in town. Zoe - 2 days old and buckling - 2 weeks old.

The proud papa - Ty

Oh, and we decided on a farm name. Lil' Bitty Acres. ('Cause we have lil' bitty goats!)

..SUGAR..

How long does it take a 2 year old to empty a five gallon bucket of sugar?

Less than 5 minutes!

How long does it take his mother to clean up 5 gallons of sugar?

20 minutes!

I guess I deserve it for thinking I could leave him unattended...yet again.

In other words, I clean up messes much like this one almost every day. I should just count my lucky stars this time it was not a liquid/gel/cream, and it wasn't on carpet.

..Better Late than Never..

We finally got around to celebrating Ryland's 2nd birthday, or should I say, Ryland has officially reached the age of "TERRIBLE". Nelson was out of town for his birthday, so we waited to have a party. Ryland got spoiled, all things car/truck...because he is all about cars. He has a car in his possession probably 90% of the time.

He opened Grandma and Grandpa Evans present first and decided he was satisfied. We had to hide the cars to get him to open the other presents, and then he couldn't open them fast enough.

Throwing this present out with the paper...

...oh, wait! It's PJ's.

They're singing to me!

This pictures fills my heart and embodies every reason I am a mother...priceless!

It's my party and I'll make a mess if I want too!

We are so glad this little boy is a part of our family. He brings endless joy to our lives. Each day he takes us on a new adventure, he is a VERY busy boy! We love him to pieces!!!

..Birthday Cake Bonanza..

It has been all birthday cakes the last three weeks. Four to be precise. Loads of fun, but not huge money makers like the wedding cakes. A lot less stress too! I think Mickey is my favorite birthday cake so far...he's totally cute!

The flag cake is actually from July, but I haven't posted it yet. The fourth cake this month was Ryland's cake, but I posted that with his birthday pics.

..Let me clear the air..

The result of having a doting family that cares immensely for my well being and happiness is a wave of panic at a post like the one below this one.

My deepest apologies for any wrong sent messages.

Am I depressed?

I am utterly sad, lonely, stressed, worried, downtrodden, tired, defeated, bitter, confused...

...so, yes, in a word - depressed. I just hate the stigma that is the word DEPRESSION. I am not that person. I refuse to be that person. It implies a lack of ability to control ones emotions, of extreme instability, of pain and sorrow. The word in and of itself pulls me down.

Do I understand depression? Yes, very well! I've done my research, and yes, I'm sure I could be diagnosed and clinically treated, but I choose not to.

Am I pointing fingers at those who have chosen that path....ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Furthermore, I have NO plans of leaving this earthly realm any time soon. Unless the big man upstairs has his own plans for me, I am here for the long haul!

I have far too much on my mind to be thinking about my demise. Wink, Wink! Grin! (That's supposed to be a joke, a bad joke, but none the less. You don't have to laugh if you don't want too.)

So here are the facts! The real thoughts and emotions behind a vague post of depression.

1. I care too deeply about my extended family to leave them. You are my strength, my everything. You are the blood that runs through my veins, my greatest pride. My heritage!

Get Ready!

Big announcement coming!

Probably premature, but after the fear I just struck, you deserve it!

That love and devotion to you, my family, is why we have decided to make the move to be closer. I/We need you in our lives! I don't need the added stress of trying to relocate, but I can take it in stride, one day at a time. It will totally be worth it.

2. I have two of the most beautiful boys this world could offer. While I may not be the perfect mother, or even close to being a decent mother, and while they may test every fiber of my being on a daily basis, they deserve much more than to lose me. And I would never hurt them in that way!

3.I have the hottest husband in the world, who works incredibly hard to provide for us, and who I adore. If I leave, I don't get him for eternity, and that would pretty much suck!

So why am I depressed?

Valid question, and you deserve to know.

My faith is, well, it's not what it could be. Spurred further into weakening by recent events. But even in my doubts and uncertainty, I know that my family would never lead me astray.

My body is failing me both physically and temporally. Who knew being infertile could cause so many problems?! I take one step forward and two steps back. This journey is long and difficult, it causes great bitterness at times.

My 6 year old totally stresses me out and pushes me to the max. I get tired just thinking about him. I'm at a loss, and I have lost control - He totally runs this house!

I really just want a little girl! Just one more baby! Just one that I made, that is me and my husband. Not that anyone could deny my boys are ours, but I long for that experience, the one that will complete my womanhood. The one that won't leave me feeling like an outsider to most all the women I encounter. The one thing I was created to do!

Folks...it's just life, and I totally get that. Sometimes I feel like I am fighting a battle against millions all by myself. I get defeated easily. I'm a worry wart. I overreact. I create stress. I turn mole hills into mountains. Call it a minor character flaw if you will, but, I just wanted to share my feelings, nothing more. No hidden messages. Just the truth.

As for the little happy pills...

...they're not right for me at this time. I may change my tune in the future, who knows, but for now, I'm just seeking other alternatives. I firmly believe I can conquer this disease without them. I have made great progress in my life. Believe it or not, this is not my darkest hour. Dark, but not darkest. I believe that hour is passed and I am steadily climbing. The light is there! It's just still very faint. Somewhere in me is the strength to succeed, I just lose it from time to time.

So, heads up! No worries! I love you all and am eternally grateful for your love and support...every single one of you! (Yes, even you. The one thinking I'm not talking about you. If you are reading this, I am talking about you.)

..???..

Totally and completely in a deep dark hole...

...is there no sunshine without the little happy pills?

I really, REALLY don't want to go there!

Too much info?

Too Bad!

..My latest creation..

And possibly my crowning jewel so far. I'm getting better and better with each cake I do.

..Bad to the Bone..

I'd like you to meet my parents.

They are bad a** Mormon bikers! They have even joined a Temple Riders Association. Once a month they get together with a group of other bike riders and visit one of the local temples. AWESOME! I am so proud to have them as parents. They really have a passion for riding and they enjoy the opportunities it has given them. Winter is long and boring without their bikes...the first day it is even close to cool enough, the bikes come out.

This is them when they aren't bad to the bone bikers...

See? Still very normal!

They love their grand boys! Their pride and joy. Possibly even more so than the bikes, but that one may be too close to call still.

All I can say is Thank Goodness for Grandma's...

...because someone has to love that boy when he drives his mother CRAZY!

..Fishing with Grandpa..

Ronnie waits all year for his chance to go fishing with Grandpa. He talks about it often. He gets bored fast once he's actually fishing, but he still loves this special outing. This year it was a family event at the Wasatch State Park Fishing Pond. We didn't catch a single fish until the very end of the day, and because dad was so patient with his fishing spot, he finally started reaping the rewards. I think they caught 7 fish in less than an hour. It was great fun! Thanks Grandpa!

..Day at the Zoo..