Here are the cakes I did the last two weekends.
My "business" is surely growing and that is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. It's caused quite a stir of emotions in me this week. Almost as though I'm having somewhat of an identity crisis. I've realized, and it's odd that cake has made me feel this way, that I don't really know who I am. I'm not really aware of what I like and dislike, what I want to be, who I want to be, who I am. It's been very confusing. I have spent so much of my life trying to be the person I believe people think I should be, the person I think people will like(although it has somehow drastically backfired). I feel as though my whole life (at least from the teens to present) has been a front to get people to like me. And somehow I have so few people that actually do like me. Don't take that the wrong way, I do have friends and family that love me, but I have put so many others off. People are constantly telling me I am abrasive, opinionated, stuck up, too quiet, and that I don't get along well with others. I have hurt so many and turned away so many more. All the while I felt as though I was trying so hard to be like-able. I have never wanted anything more in life than to be liked (read "popular"). That worldly desire has done nothing but keep me from being me, whoever that is.
I've been doing a lot of pondering and soul searching, but I don't feel like I'm getting any closer to answers. How is it that I am nearly 30 years old and I still don't know who I am?
2 comments:
Hey you, I like this post. And I'd like to say that most of us feel that same way pretty much all the time. I too, have been told I'm selfish, abrasive, intimidating, and stuck-up. But you know, I really love who I am now. It took me a long time to get here between who I was before I got married and who I am now. It was blending my pre-married life to my married (Mormon-wife) life. It's hard and confusing but just try to be honest with yourself and talk with your husband about your new found identity so that he stays in the loop of your change. Anybody else outside of that relationship doesn't matter in the choice of what you become. It's worth it. Don't lose yourself babe!
Thinking of you...
xoxo
Well, I have always admired you and thought very highly of you. You are incredibly talented in so many ways. I truly hope I can learn from you. If it makes you feel any better I am going through the same type of thing. It must be part of being a stay-at-home mom. I'm really worried about what I will do when my kids are grown. Then I will have a big problem unless I figure out who I am now. Love you!!!
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